Got Depression? Got Anxiety? Got a Weenie Dog?

Mental illness. It’s taboo. It’s embarrassing. It’s awkward. It’s an excuse. It’s pathetic. It’s not even real.

Or so some say.

No one ever wants to talk about it. Sorry. (Not sorry.) I’m going to talk about it anyway.

 As someone who struggles with both depression and anxiety I can personally attest that, YES-it can be embarrassing. It CAN be awkward. But it is NOT an excuse. It is NOT pathetic. And it is just as real as cancer, or diabetes, or breaking your bones.

And it can hurt just as bad.

Just because you don’t see the wounds someone feels doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling them. If your friend broke their back, you would probably wince at the thought of their pain. Even when someone has a headache, you instantly feel for them and quickly dig in your purse to find them some Excedrin to relieve the discomfort they are experiencing.

And while I think that our society has come a long way with understanding various mental illnesses that people endure, I still think that many individuals often lack empathy and compassion for these hard-to-see trials.

Heaven forbid people take medication or-dare I say it?! Go to counseling. Because it’s all in your head! It’s just you having a bad attitude. You should just exercise more. Stop sleeping in. Quit worrying about things you can’t control. Pray more. Be less selfish. Do more things for other people and quit feeling sorry for yourself.

We’ve all heard that before. Maybe even said it somebody we didn’t seek to understand.

But seriously folks, there is nothing selfish about struggling with any sort of mental illness. And it also does not mean you are a negative person. In fact, some of the sweetest and happiest people I know have some of the saddest and most poignant, personal struggles of anyone I know.

Funny how happiness does not always come when things are easy. In fact easiness has nothing to do with happiness.

But admitting there are challenges, finding attainable solutions, having a solid network of people who love you, praying your heart out to God, and getting a weenie dog are the keys to combatting some of life’s toughest obstacles. Even if your hurdles are not visible to anybody else.

If you struggle with any type of mental illness just know that you are NOT alone. It’s cliché, and it’s sometimes annoying to hear that. Because trust me. I get it. Sometimes you feel SO alone. But you don’t have to feel that way.

One of the greatest decisions I ever made in my life-and I’m not kidding at all when I say this-was buying a dachshund-mix puppy from a Craigslist ad.

And you can chuckle or even roll your eyes at that. But that Craigslist puppy has saved my life in more ways than one.

Around the time I decided to find a dog I had heard of people getting companion animals, or therapy pets. I heard they really helped fill those voids that depression, anxiety, and loads of other struggles can create.

So my Craigslist search began. And every day after school and work, I would come home and look at zillions of dogs. But when I saw a black and brown puppy with ginormous paws (that he never grew into by the way), I had to meet him in real life. And as soon as I met him I told his owners I would be right back. I hit up the Wells Fargo ATM and picked that puppy up.

And thank goodness I did.

And even though he has eaten some of my favorite pairs of shoes that I still mourn over, that dog has been the best Lexapro or counseling I’ve ever had.

He made the loneliest time in my life much sweeter than I ever thought it could be. He is the best listener I’ve ever vented to. He gets me out of my bed every morning because he knows we both need the exercise and the sunshine. And he is always happy to see me. He is the most loyal friend and the snuggliest roommate. And even when he is obnoxious I can’t really hold it against him. Because he has the guiltiest conscience of anyone I know and he shows it in those pretty, brown eyes of his.

In fact, I literally think Ernie has anxiety too. Maybe he needs a therapy hamster. (Or something along those lines.)

But seriously, if you are an animal person and you deal with depression or anxiety or your marriage is sad or you face unemployment or you have any health problems whatsoever, then for heaven sakes, get a dog! And I hear that weenie dog mixes work the best. Just sayin’.

If you’re not an animal person, then no wonder you are depressed.

Just kidding. But become one. It will change your life.

It’s cheesy, I know. But in every prayer I pray to Heavenly Father, I thank Him for Ernie. And sometimes during our bedtime prayers Ernie is reverent. And sometimes he is not. But always he is sweet. And I have needed him so much more than I ever realized.

And while praying and trying to serve others is a great remedy for not getting sucked into your own hard things, God understands that medication, counseling, family, good friends, and weenie dogs are the most effective remedies for facing the trials He gives us.

So please. Hang in there. You are NOT alone. Especially if you have a 17-pound weenie dog who somehow manages to take up more than half your bed every single night.

Yep, definitely not alone.

And thank heavens for that.

How God Loves Us

I am not even going to try and pretend that I understand everything there is to know about the Gospel. I am not an expert in any way. But in the past year, thanks to the people in my life, I have grown to learn, on a deeper level, how God works in our lives.

In fact particularly in the last year, I have come to personally understand how the Atonement of Jesus Christ functions in my own life.

It is my belief that Jesus Christ atoned for everyone’s sins. Through this most significant act, we can repent and become more like God through the trials and experiences we each face. The word "repent" is synonymous with change, or progress. Often, repentance has such a negative, fire and brimstone context that we forget what a blessing it is to be able to improve ourselves. SUCH a blessing! Being able to repent is not doom and gloom. It is a gift that we should utilize on the daily. 

Understanding why Christ atoned for us enables us to come unto Him and truly make positive changes in our lives. So, why did He do so? Because He loves us! Because of Him, we can become who we are more meant to be. Who we truly are.

Not only does His Atonement cover our sins, but it covers our pains, our weaknesses, our sorrows. It covers our shortcomings, our heartaches, and life’s many, many disappointments we all have to endure. The Atonement is how we are able to heal. Not only can we turn away from sin and improve that aspect of our lives, but we can find comfort and peace in the Lord in all aspects of our lives.

But how in the world are we supposed to seek healing and comfort through someone that is not physically beside us?

Allow me to let you in on a little secret that life keeps teaching me over and over and over: We often experience the Atonement of Jesus Christ through each other.

You probably already knew that. But if you’re anything like me, sometimes you need the same lesson a zillion times in a row to finally start getting it.

I feel the need to share the story of one of my all-time favorite people. I’ve written blogs about him before. He’s kind of a big deal in my life. If you’ve met me long enough to have a conversation longer than a greeting, then you’ve heard of the infamous Thomas Nash. Also known as T-Man. Or Mr. T. Or T-Rex.

Let me tell you why Thomas is, and always will be, one of the most important people in my life.

Thomas taught me about the Atonement every time I was with him. He allowed me to see how it works. He allowed me to experience it in my own life. 

Thomas was born with cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus. In a nutshell, he has some disabilities, but mostly just abilities. His receptive language is phenomenal-he understands everything that is said around him and to him. But he can’t verbally communicate like most of us do. Instead he uses sign language, and some fantastic facial expressions. He also happens to have the greatest sense of humor. That kid is hilarious. 

Thomas doesn’t have the full use of his legs. He can’t walk without support. He uses a wheelchair. He has a feeding tube to supplement his nutrition. And he is a lot smaller than typical kids his age. However, he is extremely capable, smart, thoughtful, tender, kind, and downright incredible. He is one in a million. I am convinced that he is God’s favorite. If you met him for just five minutes, you'd agree. 

Obviously, despite his strengths and abilities, Thomas has some very visible struggles in his life.

I was blessed beyond measure to be his assistant for awhile. And no matter where life takes me, being Thomas’ assistant will always be the best job I’ve ever had. Hands down. No contest.

I miss him every day.

One of the most humbling things about working with Thomas was having the privilege of helping him do things that are easy for most of us to do. The key was to not to do too much for him so he could grow and develop the way he needed to. I always tried to allow him to do as much as he could independently without getting in his way. Instead of overcoming his hard things for him, I helped him conquer them simply by loving the heck out of him.

For instance, when I first started working with T-Man, he hated his walker. Hated it.

So, we worked on it. I encouraged him to use his walker like his life depended on it. I was the loudest, most obnoxious paraprofessional you’ve ever seen. I did anything to get him to cruise through the hallway. I used puppets. I made up songs. I told jokes. I raced him like a crazy lady. (He always won.) I even brought my wiener dog to school one day so Thomas could hold his leash and walk the dog. Spoiler alert: Thomas dragged his feet and Ernie, the overgrown weenie dog, dragged Thomas through the school hallways while Thomas belly laughed the entire time. If you thought weenie dogs weren't strong and robust, you thought wrong. 

But the strategy that consistently worked best of all was when I had one of his classmates walk alongside him. Because Thomas loves people. He loves his friends. And who wants to face a hard thing alone, when you have awesome friends who are willing to face it right with you?

Soon he was walking 10 minutes a day. 15. 20. 25.

He got up to 45 and counting.

His favorite classmate who helped him more than anybody? A girl his age who also had cerebral palsy.

Fancy that. Two kids who feel the same pains that most of us can’t relate to, cheering each other on in their bright, green walkers. They were easily the highlight of my day, every day. 

And on the exceptionally hard days when Thomas was tired or hurting or just not in the mood (which we can all relate to in some way or another), I wanted so bad-SO BAD-to overcome his obstacles for him.

But I couldn’t. I could only help. And support. And encourage. And love. And occasionally, or not so occasionally, get all teary in the teacher's lounge because I'm one of those people who feels all the feels way too much. Don't judge me. I love people and I won't apologize for that. And holy cow, I HATED when Thomas hurt.

But how amazing it was to watch him get stronger in response to his hurt.  

It was truly a surreal experience every day being able to watch someone progress so much. Sure, they might have seemed like small successes to most people. But to me, Thomas achieved victory after victory after victory. And being a part of that process was the most rewarding thing. Don't get me wrong-I give him ALL the credit. I was just there in the background to offer him strength and support. 

Experiencing the Atonement in that way was new for me. I was experiencing the process of healing through the healer’s eyes. I watched Thomas do incredibly hard things every day. And I loved him through it. I never took his obstacles away-sometimes I was even the one who placed them in his path! I gave him his walker to use. I had him do many other difficult activities. And I had high expectations because I knew he could handle it. And through it all, I sustained him. I enabled him. I held him up-very literally. I loved him to pieces. I mean, how could you not? I'm not bragging or anything. It was a PRIVILEGE to serve this boy. A privilege I still do not deserve. 

Now for the plot twist.

During the second year of working with Thomas, I was thrown some major curveballs in my life.

One of those curveballs was getting divorced.

From the time I contemplated the divorce as an option to the time it was final, and even beyond, I found relief in my work with T-Man. He gave me something else to focus on. He gave me somewhere to exert all my energy. 

I was able to go to work every day and focus on someone else’s challenges. I was unable to relieve my own stress, but being able to help Thomas face his burdens head on gave me strength. And courage. And faith.

I owe that kid so much for inspiring me to do hard things with a good attitude. It was difficult to carry a load that was not visible to others. I showed no outward signs of struggling or pain. But I had never been in more pain than I was at that moment. And I could tell countless experiences of how Thomas cheered me up during one of my very lowest points in life. But I want to share one example in particular.

It actually happened after I stopped working with T. I had barely moved to Salt Lake from Idaho. I was new in town, unemployed, lonely and very, very down.

I missed my job. I missed my parents. I missed a lot of dear friends. And I had never felt more lost before. I was depressed. I was scared. I was dealing with medical issues and financial decisions. And my load felt so heavy.

One night, after a particularly gloomy and discouraging day, I had a dream that I couldn’t walk. For whatever reason in this dream my legs just didn’t work. I was weak and paralyzed and unable to move freely. And even in my sleep I remember feeling this dark and awful overwhelming feeling of literal despair and exhaustion from exerting all my efforts to just take a few steps.

But, after an agonizing struggle, someone came rushing to my rescue. It was Thomas. He was walking perfectly. And soon he was leading me by the hand, with a big smile on his face, as he told me over and over and over that I could do hard things.

Maybe it sounds crazy. And maybe to you, that’s just a weird dream.

For me it was a tender mercy. A turning point. A sweet reminder that in spite of my desire to help other people feel loved, I needed (and still need) someone to cheer me on, too.

Sometimes we experience the Atonement by being the healer for others. We get to cheer on our friends; we get to pray for people we love; we get to offer support to others, whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial. Providing relief and helping others is critical to becoming more like the Savior. As opportunities arise to help others heal, I hope we all gratefully and willingly take them. 

But sometimes we have the very sacred and significant opportunity to be able to experience healing through the very special people in our lives that God allows us to get to know. We get to be cheered on; we get to be prayed for. Sometimes we are the one who needs support in a variety of ways. And allowing people to help us heal is just as important in becoming like Christ. It teaches us humility and compassion and reminds us that none of us are above needing a little divine intervention in our lives. It allows us to get to know Him. It helps us come to know that WE matter to him no matter how inadequate we feel or how much we are struggling. 

How grateful I am for the Atonement. How grateful I am for the Savior. And for the people I am so, so beyond lucky to have in my life who exemplify Him so beautifully.

God is the most powerful being in the universe, and yet for OUR benefit, He often accomplishes his work through US. He could do it all himself, much better and more efficiently than we can. But that isn't the point. Instead, He works through me and He works through you.

And he most definitely works through Thomas Nash. Trust me. 

Lessons From My Momma

When I grow up, I want to be my mom. If you know my mom, then you probably want to be her too.

There are a million reasons why I am beyond lucky to have the mom that I do. But I just feel a need to share a handful of those reasons. And I’m probably going to need two boxes of Kleenexes during this process.

When my mom was a little girl she made the decision to attend church every Sunday. No big deal, right? I mean, a lot of kids go to church. Except starting at about seven years old, nobody in her family went anymore. So she went to church all by herself. And she always said a prayer every Sunday morning that there would be somebody else in the congregation who was also alone so she would have someone to sit by.

She said she always had someone to sit by. Every. Single. Time.

And I think she has missed church maybe five times in her whole life. Maybe.

On Monday nights, Mormons have this tradition called Family Home Evening. It doesn’t technically have to be on Monday. But the LDS Church strongly suggests picking a night a week to set aside for quality family time where you can pray together, learn together, and have a good time.

Every Monday night, my mom had family home evening with her dolls and stuffed animals.

If that doesn’t make you get a little teary, then you probably have no soul. It’s Kleenex number five for me.

Growing up, when dropping me off at various events or parties, my mom would give me this advice: “Sit by the person who’s sitting alone.”

And even though as a little girl, she might’ve felt alone in her beliefs, she has countless times since then, been the person providing the relief, comfort, and companionship that someone else is so desperately praying for.

She has, many times over, been the answer to someone’s prayers. I’ve watched my mom inspire so many people. I’ve watched her serve over and over and over. She is always sewing someone a blanket or taking someone a meal. And if you’ve ever had my mom’s rolls then you know that is reason enough to want to be like her when you grow up.  

Because man, are they good.

And man. Is she good.

I envy her goodness.

I’ve never known someone with a purer heart or a more sweet, sensitive spirit.

She is a rescuer. She loves deeply and completely. With her whole soul.

One of my sweetest memories of my mom was during one of the most challenging times of my life.

I was married at the time and after months of deliberation due to the way things were going in my marriage, I called my mom one morning in tears and said, “Mom. I think I need to come home.”

When I think about her response even now, I still get choked up. She simply replied, “I’ll be right over.”

And she was literally right over.

We spent that day packing and crying. And saying a lot of prayers.

And I spent the next several months living with my sweet parents who took care of me in every way. And they even accommodated a very obnoxious wiener dog, who is still very grateful by the way for the royal treatment.

Just like she did for me then, my mom has the ability to turn something so difficult into something so sweet. And coming from someone who has faced countless challenges in her own personal life, I admire her ability to be so positive and faithful.

In fact, one of the biggest things I most admire about my mom is her faith in Jesus Christ and in His Gospel.

I am the baby in my family, so as a little girl when my siblings were all at school, I had some great one-on-one time with my momma. She stayed home to be a full-time mom. Which by the way people, is waaaay more than 40 hours a week. And there is no such thing as overtime or lunch breaks.

Anyway, one of the sweetest memories I have from those preschool days is playing this silly game with her that we made up.

It went like this:

I would say, “Mommy. I don’t like you.”

And she would pretend to cry. Only her acting made me giggle. And then I’d quickly say, “Mommy. I don’t like you. I love you.”

And we’d hug and laugh. And after that happened a bunch of times she would tell me she loved me too. And then she would ask me, “But Kristen Jan, who loves you more than me?”

And without any hesitation I always pointed up because the only person who could possibly love me more than my momma was God.

And Mom, I just have to say that I know you have a zillion fans. I know that anyone who knows you adores and respects you infinitely.

But Mom. Nobody. NOBODY loves you more than me. Besides Dad. And the Big Man Upstairs.

And for the record, I thank Him every day that I belong to you.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there. Dog moms included.

Healing

If you've met me for at least 10 seconds, then you probably know that I adore people with special needs. ADORE them. They are my favorite. They are also God's favorite. So be nice to these folks or Judgment Day is not going to be pretty for you. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it. 

So anyway, one of my favorite people with special needs once told me that he couldn't wait until Jesus comes again.

When he told me that I instantly thought, Well, sure. YOU are guaranteed to get in. The rest of us have to actually become better individuals and all that jazz. Grow. Progress. Become more like the Savior. You know. We have to take that route.

But instead of expressing all of my insecurities about not having a free pass to heaven, I simply asked my good friend, "What are you most excited about when Jesus comes again?"

He responded: "There will be no more bad. No more sin, no more wickedness, no more sorrow, no more pain. Only good. Only light."

Again, if you've known me for at least 10 seconds, then you know that by the time he got through that sentence, my mascara was on my chin.

This very sweet conversation took place a few years ago, but I've reflected on it almost daily ever since.

And here's why:

We all have some sort of special need. We all struggle. We all feel pain. We all go through life's up and downs with aching hearts and heavy loads to carry.

We ALL do.

And I don't mean to be a downer about it or anything, but life is kind of hard.

So when my sweet, dear friend expressed his eagerness to meet the Savior it melted my heart for a zillion reasons. But the biggest one was because this sweet man knows suffering in a very literal and very constant way. He has been ridiculed, left out, forgotten, and unable to experience many joys most of us take for granted. His brain and body do not function the way brains and bodies are meant to typically function.

But instead of being jaded about it, he's just patiently excited for all of his suffering to one day be made right. And he has the faith that it will be.

In his "broken" state, he can't wait to finally be made whole.

And maybe this doesn't fit in your belief system, but I five-million percent believe that one day, we will all be healed from our various aches and pains in a very literal, physical way.

However there is one thing my friend didn't mention, in his anxiousness to be made more perfect.  I've come to realize something that I have to keep in mind every single day, and it's this:

We don't have to wait until the Savior comes again to feel healing.

He wants us to feel healing NOW.

Now, not all remedies will be immediate. Not every burden will be relieved. In fact, most probably won't.

I know people with diabetes. With cancer. With other painful and life-threatening illnesses.

I know people with disabilities. People who can't talk. Or walk. Or function much at all.

I know people with anxiety. Depression. Addictions. People who have been abandoned. Abused. Neglected. Divorced. Betrayed. Etc. Etc. ETC.  

Bottom line: Life is HARD.

And all of those things are not going to suddenly change. All those people will still have all of those things, some for the rest of their lives.

But it is through those things that we can find healing along the way from the person who makes us truly complete.

And if you don't know Him all that well, I suggest you get to know Him starting right now.

Often, He offers tender mercies and healing to us through the people in our lives. Sometimes even through weenie dogs. 

I'm just saying. 

But one day, though probably not anytime really soon, there will be no more bad. No more wickedness. No more sorrow. No more pain.

Only good. Only light.

And it's completely because of Him.

As we look forward to that day, hopefully we can alleviate each other's pain and find joy in the journey of becoming even as He is.

And hopefully on that great day, my celestial friends will sneak me in the back door.

Because I'm going to need all the help I can get.


Okay. Just one last thought.

As a young girl, I once heard a Mormon missionary enthusiastically explain: "I love trials!"

When she said that, I thought she was out of her mind insane.

But the older I've gotten and the more I've understood the necessity of trials, I want to reiterate her profound feelings that she shared that day.

I love trials, too. Because they help us turn to God. And ironically enough, it is through our hardest times that we can find the most healing of all.

And by healing, I don't mean the elimination of hard things. I mean the ability to grow in spite of them. 

And THAT is exactly why I have such profound love and respect for people with disabilities. Because even though their bodies might seem "broken," they have the biggest hearts and souls of anyone I know.

And they are way more capable than the rest of us give them credit for.

And for the record, from what I know and understand about God, He thinks we are all more capable than we can even imagine. Even those of us that don't get a free pass. :)

Happiness is...

I have a lot on my mind today. More than I usually do.

So in trying to adequately understand everything I am thinking and feeling, this blog entry is more for me than anybody.

Bear with me.

First off, I woke up this morning to go to work. And then I realized something. See, there's this theme I've been trying to understand for the past several months that goes something like this: DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

Now, I don't mean do whatever you want whenever you want with whoever you want. No. This doesn't mean go nuts and act on every indulgence you have. I don't mean eat the whole cheesecake or go out and buy five puppies.

Although, there are days where I think it is perfectly acceptable to eat the whole cheesecake. I really do. And believe me, today is one of those days.

So thank goodness there is no cheesecake close by.

Anyway, in an effort to "do what makes me happy" I woke up this morning to my alarm.

And then I quit my job.

Yep. On the spot. Quit my job. Because I'm crazy. Because it feels right. Because I need something more in my life. And yes, I get that the responsible thing to do would be to wait until I have a better job come along.

But nothing can come along if I'm not available for opportunities. So this is me taking a leap of faith, and devoting all my time to sitting on my bed while applying for zillions of jobs.

This is me doing what makes me happy.

Ernie seems pretty happy too. He loves my unemployment...yet again. He is currently snoring on my bed while I submit my 13th application of the morning.

Post-college life is the dream, huh? Ha. It's definitely something, that's for sure.

One of the things I've had the hardest time coping with since moving to Salt Lake hasn't been unemployment or mice or back pain or car trouble or oven fires or being the new girl on the block. No, all of that has just been exhilarating to tell you the truth.

The hardest thing for me has been missing someone who truly makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. And while I miss a lot of someones who make me extremely happy, I'm specifically referring to this someone, pictured here:

Is your heart not melting all over the place??!?! Yeah. He does that to you. 

Let me explain why I miss this kid so much. (As if I need another reason besides how cute he is, right?)

Thomas taught me every single day how to do hard things. Every. Single. Day.

And not like once a day. Constantly. Constant pain. Constant struggling. Constant growing. 

Nonstop. 

And he did this with unwavering patience and strength. And he did it with a smile. That same smile he wears to eat Oreos, he also wears to do hard things. 

And that is more than commendable. Because the smile I wear to eat Oreos looks nothing like my "doing hard things" face. Nope. Not even close. 

Thomas taught me to have more than a good attitude. He taught me to be BRAVE. He taught me to take risks and exert all my efforts in every single thing I do. And he taught this all by example. Thomas is one amazing person. And if you've been around him for just 30 seconds, you know exactly what I mean.  

But while this kid is so well-acquainted with pain, he has acquainted himself so well with God.

I think he knows God more than anyone I know. And I don't say that to be cute or to be sappy. I TRULY believe this one million percent. 

Yes, Thomas knows the Big Man Upstairs more than most people ever will in this lifetime. 

And I think in our weaknesses we all have this unique and significant opportunity to seek God. But sometimes we don't. Sometimes we feel too inadequate. We feel embarrassed. We feel weak. We feel like we can't seek Him because of the human frailties we all embody.

But that is exactly why we should seek Him the most. 

One thing I've learned from Thomas is that in our own way, we all have disabilities. 

And we all have abilities. 

Amazing abilities! And we all have the capacity, with the help of someone much, much greater than us, to continue to improve those abilities.

And maybe even conquer the disabilities that each of us face every, single day.

Obviously, there is so much I admire about Thomas; his strength, his determination, his fantastic sense of humor. But the thing I admire most about this kid is that he loves bigger than anyone I know. 

And what an honor it is to be loved by someone who has the ability to love so much!

I love you Thomas Nash. I miss being your servant. I miss your presence every day in my life. There is a huge hole where you used to be, and I keep asking God to fill it. But He's not going to, because I need to appreciate you on a daily basis. And believe me, mister. I do.

I think happiness is losing yourself in someone else. 

Happiness is realizing you can do hard things. Because you are not alone.

Happiness is having people in your life you adore. 

Happiness is cheering somebody on. 

Happiness is letting someone else cheer you on.

Happiness comes through lots of struggling and lots of pain and lots of tears.

Because happiness is more than cheesecake. More than puppies. (Although Ernie makes me pretty happy.) 

Happiness is becoming something better than you realize you are capable of being. And that process is painful, because it is supposed to be. But it is also beautiful! Especially when we share it.  

Thanks for cheering me on, Thomas. You're way stronger than I will ever be, but I will keep trying to keep up. 

I think we all need to struggle, because we are all trying to be happy. 

Thanks for showing the rest of us not-so-perfect people how it's done. 

I love you, Thomas.