But she said something that-while I didn't take offense to it-wasn't exactly meant as a compliment. I also don't think it was intended to be insulting.
"You're...different," she told me. At first it felt more like an accusation than an observation. "You just aren't the same. I feel like you've changed in so many ways."
Not knowing how she wanted me to respond, I hesitated. Do I apologize? Do I vouch for myself? Do I become defensive or self-conscious? But before I sorted my thoughts completely I found myself responding with something that felt a little bit like confidence:
"I am different." And then I smiled. Instead of stressing out about what she might have been implying, I found myself somewhat flattered at her very accurate and very blunt observation. Since I had last been around her, I had grown. Years of growing pains-not all of them experienced with dignity. But all of them, experienced. By me.
And since that conversation, I've reflected on what the word "different" often means because of the way we choose to use it.
Often, the description "different" is negative. We might use it to imply that someone is weird. Odd. Awkward. Or that someone has changed for the worse.
Different is often uncomfortable. Maybe even painful.
But how necessary change is in life, and how beautiful it can be!
When my friend pointed out how I had changed since our last visit, I thought about how the last time she saw me, I was so much younger. Probably dumber. Certainly more inexperienced. I was naive. I was a version of myself that has since evolved because of my experiences-as well as my ability to adapt to and make the best of-those experiences. I have become less submissive and more assured. I am no longer a scared, little girl that I have been before. I am much braver. Still scared. But it turns out that a little burst of courage can go a real, long way.
I feel stronger. My life is filled with wonderful people who I adore. Many of them have watched me grow and change my entire life. Some of them found me at my best; some of them found me at my worst. And while several people have come and gone, many have stayed through thick and thin. They've been on the sidelines. They've encouraged my successes and celebrated my triumphs, as well as offered solace and love during the toughest times I've faced yet. Some of these amazing individuals have even changed alongside me. And I pray they have heard me screaming my head off on the sidelines while they've fought their own battles and become more of who they are meant to be. I see you. I love you. I accept you-as you were, as you are right this instant, and as you hope to be tomorrow. Or next year. Or whenever. The sky is the limit.
I am different than I was, even a year ago. I feel different. I hope I keep being different. The world always needs change. It needs progress. The world needs hope and possibility. You're never stuck in whatever life has thrown your way. You're never stuck being a version of you that you no longer want to be. You can change. You can keep becoming a better version of you through authenticity, through the relationships you invest in, and through learning from lots and lots of failure.
Be different. It's really not as scary as we let it sound.
No. It can actually be way, way scarier.
And way, way, WAY worth the risk.
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