This is not meant to be a "woe is me" type of post.
It is meant to be a "woe is all of us" type of post. I don't want to exclude anybody. But hopefully it's not as gloomy as it sounds.
Bear with me.
So the past few days I've had a pile of clean laundry sitting in the laundry basket just waiting to be folded. I kept telling myself, and my husband, that I'd get to it later. Or tomorrow. Or next year.
And the thing is, I've had time to do it. Too much time. WAY too much time.
But it's too hard. To fold laundry, I mean. It's so much easier just to stare at it and ignore it and be completely in denial about the laundry that is growing more wrinkly by the second.
Sometimes life is EXCRUCIATING. We lose loved ones. We suffer from health problems. We experience painful relationships. We might be the victim of abuse, loneliness, trauma, or injustice.
Yes, life is HARD. It hurts. It throbs. It stings. And sometimes it is not fair. Sometimes it is not fun. Sometimes it is indescribably painful.
But sometimes life is a different kind of hurt. Sometimes life is a dull, constant ache that is both monotonous and discouraging. It is not just the external hardships we are given that are so hard to overcome, but the very internal ones we are faced with that can be exquisitely difficult.
Sometimes folding laundry makes you want to weep.
Before you roll your eyes at what seems to be nothing but self-pity over such a ridiculous chore, please know I am well aware there are people who are starving, and homeless, and living in dangerous, unsanitary, and tragic circumstances. People who would KILL to be folding laundry right now.
But no matter how much you compare your pathetic obstacle to other people with much bigger, tougher, scarier ones, depression, and all other emotional challenges, are still hard to be grateful for.
I believe that some of the toughest trials people encounter are the ones from within. Conquering irrational fears, overcoming poor self-esteem, coping with anxiety, and just simply getting out of bed in the morning when you are feeling down in the dumps can be some of life's most frustrating challenges.
And when you know you've got that laundry to fold but you just can't bring yourself to do it, it suddenly becomes a very heavy thing on your shoulders. Yes, something as silly as clean clothes can weigh you down to the point of despair.
But wait a minute! Shouldn't you be grateful for that mountain of laundry?! Because some people have no clothes. And here you are complaining about what you are so privileged to have. And how about the fact that you have two hands to fold laundry!?! Some people don't! Some people can't even do that! So stop being selfish! And for crying out loud, be more grateful!
Who has heard that before? And whenever people tell you that, what they fail to realize is you've already told yourself that a zillion times. You've already made yourself feel like a pathetic loser who is nothing but selfish and ungrateful because you are not a victim of the Holocaust. You are not living on the streets with no shoes and nothing to eat. You are not dying of a painful disease. You are not watching your family get murdered or being forced out of your country. You are not being kidnapped or beaten or tortured.
You just don't feel like folding your stupid laundry. Or putting on pants. Or going to that party. Especially because to go to that party, you definitely need to put on those pants.
But the only pants you fit into are sitting in the laundry basket, all wrinkled. Nice going.
Oh well. Now you have an excuse not to go. Because who wants to party when all you feel is worthless?
Worthless. And tired. And hopeless. And down.
But how dare you feel that way, when everyone else on this planet has it so much harder than you?! How can you even allow yourself to feel this way? You are fine. Why are you not being grateful?
Don't get me wrong. I am a HUGE believer in gratitude. My momma taught me to not only use good manners, but to be positive. And appreciative. In ALL things.
But being sad doesn't mean you are ungrateful. Some of the most depressed people I know are the most grateful. And the most aware of their infinite amount of blessings.
But their blessings do not cancel out their suffering. Their blessings do not automatically alleviate their astronomical load of laundry. So quit judging people for feeling the weight of their own, very personal load that you might not even have any idea they are carrying.
Still, it is always a great reminder to consider your blessings. EVERY DAY consider your blessings! I'm exceptionally grateful for a husband who doesn't even mind those no-laundry-got-done days. And who enriches my life in every aspect. I am so lucky! I'm also very grateful for a weenie dog who doesn't care at all about laundry. He's pretty accepting.
And I'm so very grateful for a God who somehow has the time to listen to me talk about "laundry" whenever it is something that I get to struggle with.
My prayers often go something like this:
"Dear Heavenly Father, I know you have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay bigger things to worry about, but I really need to talk to you."
And then I talk. And with war, and world tragedies, and everyone else's prayers, and Donald Trump running for US president, my laundry is the LAST thing on God's list of things to worry about.
But He worries about it anyway because God loves us enough to care about our laundry. I'll never know how He has the time to do it, but He does. Because you and I are important to Him. Even when we don't feel like it one teeny bit.
And I realize not everyone believes in God. And many people view His role in their lives very differently than I do. I'm not telling you what to believe or how to believe it, but I don't know how people go through life without having Him in it. I don't.
I don't mean that unkind or judgmental. I just mean that life is hard! And I personally NEED that strength and peace and humility that comes from having a relationship with God.
And whenever I personally am facing overwhelming amounts of laundry to do and life is tough and my efforts never seem to be enough, it helps me to know that someone with a PERFECT love loves me no matter how lousy I feel or how much I am struggling.
Let me also add that praying does NOT take away your load of laundry. Nope. Whenever people give the advice: "Just pray about it", I don't think they understand God or how He works.
Because you cannot pray away depression or anxiety or anguish or loneliness or any kind of suffering. You can't! That's ridiculous!
Prayer is not a remedy to remove suffering, or even to heal it. But it is a remedy to endure your suffering with the support and love of someone who knows you are so much more capable of doing hard things than you are currently giving yourself credit for.
So here is my message to you. It is not one of self-pity, but rather a very deep and sincere effort to be self-motivated even when that feels impossible.
Quit beating yourself up. Quit comparing yourself to everybody else. Because YOU are important to the most powerful being in the universe, whether you want to believe that or not.
He cares about MY laundry. And he cares about YOURS.
And that seems hard to believe. But next time you're convinced that you're worthless and your problems are nothing but a trivial overreaction on your part and everyone else who lives and has ever lived has it five billion times worse than you, so you shouldn't complain or even acknowledge your hurt because it's just you being a baby-
I dare you-I DOUBLE DOG DARE you to talk to Him about it.
Because YOU are important to Him. And you are not defined by how well you do your laundry. Or if you even do it at all.
So next time you muster up the courage to fold a pair of socks that actually matches, instead of beating yourself up for not doing the 14 other loads that are waiting to be done, just be satisfied with your efforts.
And keep folding.
