How God Loves Us

I am not even going to try and pretend that I understand everything there is to know about the Gospel. I am not an expert in any way. But in the past year, thanks to the people in my life, I have grown to learn, on a deeper level, how God works in our lives.

In fact particularly in the last year, I have come to personally understand how the Atonement of Jesus Christ functions in my own life.

It is my belief that Jesus Christ atoned for everyone’s sins. Through this most significant act, we can repent and become more like God through the trials and experiences we each face. The word "repent" is synonymous with change, or progress. Often, repentance has such a negative, fire and brimstone context that we forget what a blessing it is to be able to improve ourselves. SUCH a blessing! Being able to repent is not doom and gloom. It is a gift that we should utilize on the daily. 

Understanding why Christ atoned for us enables us to come unto Him and truly make positive changes in our lives. So, why did He do so? Because He loves us! Because of Him, we can become who we are more meant to be. Who we truly are.

Not only does His Atonement cover our sins, but it covers our pains, our weaknesses, our sorrows. It covers our shortcomings, our heartaches, and life’s many, many disappointments we all have to endure. The Atonement is how we are able to heal. Not only can we turn away from sin and improve that aspect of our lives, but we can find comfort and peace in the Lord in all aspects of our lives.

But how in the world are we supposed to seek healing and comfort through someone that is not physically beside us?

Allow me to let you in on a little secret that life keeps teaching me over and over and over: We often experience the Atonement of Jesus Christ through each other.

You probably already knew that. But if you’re anything like me, sometimes you need the same lesson a zillion times in a row to finally start getting it.

I feel the need to share the story of one of my all-time favorite people. I’ve written blogs about him before. He’s kind of a big deal in my life. If you’ve met me long enough to have a conversation longer than a greeting, then you’ve heard of the infamous Thomas Nash. Also known as T-Man. Or Mr. T. Or T-Rex.

Let me tell you why Thomas is, and always will be, one of the most important people in my life.

Thomas taught me about the Atonement every time I was with him. He allowed me to see how it works. He allowed me to experience it in my own life. 

Thomas was born with cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus. In a nutshell, he has some disabilities, but mostly just abilities. His receptive language is phenomenal-he understands everything that is said around him and to him. But he can’t verbally communicate like most of us do. Instead he uses sign language, and some fantastic facial expressions. He also happens to have the greatest sense of humor. That kid is hilarious. 

Thomas doesn’t have the full use of his legs. He can’t walk without support. He uses a wheelchair. He has a feeding tube to supplement his nutrition. And he is a lot smaller than typical kids his age. However, he is extremely capable, smart, thoughtful, tender, kind, and downright incredible. He is one in a million. I am convinced that he is God’s favorite. If you met him for just five minutes, you'd agree. 

Obviously, despite his strengths and abilities, Thomas has some very visible struggles in his life.

I was blessed beyond measure to be his assistant for awhile. And no matter where life takes me, being Thomas’ assistant will always be the best job I’ve ever had. Hands down. No contest.

I miss him every day.

One of the most humbling things about working with Thomas was having the privilege of helping him do things that are easy for most of us to do. The key was to not to do too much for him so he could grow and develop the way he needed to. I always tried to allow him to do as much as he could independently without getting in his way. Instead of overcoming his hard things for him, I helped him conquer them simply by loving the heck out of him.

For instance, when I first started working with T-Man, he hated his walker. Hated it.

So, we worked on it. I encouraged him to use his walker like his life depended on it. I was the loudest, most obnoxious paraprofessional you’ve ever seen. I did anything to get him to cruise through the hallway. I used puppets. I made up songs. I told jokes. I raced him like a crazy lady. (He always won.) I even brought my wiener dog to school one day so Thomas could hold his leash and walk the dog. Spoiler alert: Thomas dragged his feet and Ernie, the overgrown weenie dog, dragged Thomas through the school hallways while Thomas belly laughed the entire time. If you thought weenie dogs weren't strong and robust, you thought wrong. 

But the strategy that consistently worked best of all was when I had one of his classmates walk alongside him. Because Thomas loves people. He loves his friends. And who wants to face a hard thing alone, when you have awesome friends who are willing to face it right with you?

Soon he was walking 10 minutes a day. 15. 20. 25.

He got up to 45 and counting.

His favorite classmate who helped him more than anybody? A girl his age who also had cerebral palsy.

Fancy that. Two kids who feel the same pains that most of us can’t relate to, cheering each other on in their bright, green walkers. They were easily the highlight of my day, every day. 

And on the exceptionally hard days when Thomas was tired or hurting or just not in the mood (which we can all relate to in some way or another), I wanted so bad-SO BAD-to overcome his obstacles for him.

But I couldn’t. I could only help. And support. And encourage. And love. And occasionally, or not so occasionally, get all teary in the teacher's lounge because I'm one of those people who feels all the feels way too much. Don't judge me. I love people and I won't apologize for that. And holy cow, I HATED when Thomas hurt.

But how amazing it was to watch him get stronger in response to his hurt.  

It was truly a surreal experience every day being able to watch someone progress so much. Sure, they might have seemed like small successes to most people. But to me, Thomas achieved victory after victory after victory. And being a part of that process was the most rewarding thing. Don't get me wrong-I give him ALL the credit. I was just there in the background to offer him strength and support. 

Experiencing the Atonement in that way was new for me. I was experiencing the process of healing through the healer’s eyes. I watched Thomas do incredibly hard things every day. And I loved him through it. I never took his obstacles away-sometimes I was even the one who placed them in his path! I gave him his walker to use. I had him do many other difficult activities. And I had high expectations because I knew he could handle it. And through it all, I sustained him. I enabled him. I held him up-very literally. I loved him to pieces. I mean, how could you not? I'm not bragging or anything. It was a PRIVILEGE to serve this boy. A privilege I still do not deserve. 

Now for the plot twist.

During the second year of working with Thomas, I was thrown some major curveballs in my life.

One of those curveballs was getting divorced.

From the time I contemplated the divorce as an option to the time it was final, and even beyond, I found relief in my work with T-Man. He gave me something else to focus on. He gave me somewhere to exert all my energy. 

I was able to go to work every day and focus on someone else’s challenges. I was unable to relieve my own stress, but being able to help Thomas face his burdens head on gave me strength. And courage. And faith.

I owe that kid so much for inspiring me to do hard things with a good attitude. It was difficult to carry a load that was not visible to others. I showed no outward signs of struggling or pain. But I had never been in more pain than I was at that moment. And I could tell countless experiences of how Thomas cheered me up during one of my very lowest points in life. But I want to share one example in particular.

It actually happened after I stopped working with T. I had barely moved to Salt Lake from Idaho. I was new in town, unemployed, lonely and very, very down.

I missed my job. I missed my parents. I missed a lot of dear friends. And I had never felt more lost before. I was depressed. I was scared. I was dealing with medical issues and financial decisions. And my load felt so heavy.

One night, after a particularly gloomy and discouraging day, I had a dream that I couldn’t walk. For whatever reason in this dream my legs just didn’t work. I was weak and paralyzed and unable to move freely. And even in my sleep I remember feeling this dark and awful overwhelming feeling of literal despair and exhaustion from exerting all my efforts to just take a few steps.

But, after an agonizing struggle, someone came rushing to my rescue. It was Thomas. He was walking perfectly. And soon he was leading me by the hand, with a big smile on his face, as he told me over and over and over that I could do hard things.

Maybe it sounds crazy. And maybe to you, that’s just a weird dream.

For me it was a tender mercy. A turning point. A sweet reminder that in spite of my desire to help other people feel loved, I needed (and still need) someone to cheer me on, too.

Sometimes we experience the Atonement by being the healer for others. We get to cheer on our friends; we get to pray for people we love; we get to offer support to others, whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial. Providing relief and helping others is critical to becoming more like the Savior. As opportunities arise to help others heal, I hope we all gratefully and willingly take them. 

But sometimes we have the very sacred and significant opportunity to be able to experience healing through the very special people in our lives that God allows us to get to know. We get to be cheered on; we get to be prayed for. Sometimes we are the one who needs support in a variety of ways. And allowing people to help us heal is just as important in becoming like Christ. It teaches us humility and compassion and reminds us that none of us are above needing a little divine intervention in our lives. It allows us to get to know Him. It helps us come to know that WE matter to him no matter how inadequate we feel or how much we are struggling. 

How grateful I am for the Atonement. How grateful I am for the Savior. And for the people I am so, so beyond lucky to have in my life who exemplify Him so beautifully.

God is the most powerful being in the universe, and yet for OUR benefit, He often accomplishes his work through US. He could do it all himself, much better and more efficiently than we can. But that isn't the point. Instead, He works through me and He works through you.

And he most definitely works through Thomas Nash. Trust me.